Go on, tell them I ate your homework. They’ll never believe you.
I once had an absolute hard-ass of a teacher in high school, who told us that “the dog ate my homework” was NOT a valid excuse.
I also had a dog who loathed the smell of glue.
So this teacher assigns an assignment: a collage. I work like a fiend on this thing. It’s PERFECT. I am the fucking Caravaggio of collages.
I leave it on the floor to grab a drink. I come downstairs and there’s Lucky, popping a squat and taking a luxurious piss on my finally finished project.
It’s due in the am. I want to cry, but refuse to let my dog win. So I gingerly slip this collage into a plastic bag, reeking of piss and everything.
I take it in to class.
When I see this teacher, I explain the circumstances. She says, “if I told you at the beginning of the term that “the dog ate my homework” is not a valid excuse, what makes you think this is?”
I reply, “I thought you might say that”, and drop the suspiciously soggy plastic bag on her desk.
One whiff and she have me a four day extension.
heard you were—fuck
heard you w—jesus gimme a sec—argh
heard you were talking shit
Look at him, he is so happy with himself.
you dont just play the sims. you go on a sims binge for three days straight then put the game down for 5 months
Studies show that women apologize more than men, often for perfectly reasonable acts like, you know, taking up space.
Fuck. And i’m Canadian ad well …
pipers reaction to polly and larry is my reaction to polly and larry
Do you ever wonder about how an author would describe you in a novel? Not only your appearance but the way you talk and laugh and hold yourself and all the expressions on your face?